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    10/14/2009

    1

    清晨,凭借着墙上影子的形状估算着时间按时起床。24小时之后的晨光随着季节的快速交替像渐变色过渡一般瞬间变得微黄而恍惚。树杈之间的星点缝隙被光柱扩捅变大,而此刻,它又是模糊梦幻的;有时候一觉醒来我分不清清晨与黄昏的区别,像是开门与关门之间,仅凭咯吱的声响我们只能推测出片面的信息来,而这些以偏论阔的判断往往会是错误的显露。

    今天去的是和以往相同的地方,长久的机械性复制我已产生出明显的厌倦。雷同的模式逐渐覆没有限的宝贵时间让我不停的质疑其中的价值,次数多了,内心厚重的郁闷就会翻腾起一阵阵徒劳之感,这个时候散发的消极仿佛能瞬间毁灭一切不破的力量。站在码头的时候天起了暴风雨来临之前的狂风,你知道么,每次遇见这种天气我都会心怀感激,像极了突然出现的情绪容纳器具,它能无条件包容你的一切,阴霾笼罩着不高兴,仿若将要以毒攻毒般我迫不及待地迎向它对我身体的猛烈攻击。我在心底偷偷策划着将尽可能少的人请到一场无人知晓的幻想中结束22岁生日这正如我猜测般不会难忘的这天。所有的人在没有任何预示之下按顺序出场,在秦皇岛的海边也是如此,迎接他们的不是欢快的歌曲,也不是怀念的牵引;我更不相信是彼此之间存在着好一大片冥冥的磁场。我们不会无由相吸,能在各自的面前出场,那是因为人和人之间的相遇都需要有个仪式去退场。而我迫切希望的是一切早点开始,尽快结束。

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